Thursday, January 20, 2011
Dear Hobby Farmer Wanna Be Kristi:
After much discussion in the barn, we, the sheep have decided to confront you on a couple of issues. We would like you to keep an open mind and not become one of those oversensitive females. We feel that if you can rectify the mistakes you have made then your hobby farmer extraordinaire status may improve.
We have noticed that you are slipping the 2 goat-ho's some very nice smelling, very fresh green alfalfa and giving us the typical timothy orchard first cutting hay. Care to explain? See, weren't you just 2 weeks ago having a fit when you discovered they were pregnant, making a mess of your kidding and lambing schedule that you so diligent planned for. Actually, we heard you call them "farm sluts" at one point. See, us sheep know those goats are fast, always screaming at the top of their lungs when they want a little, not too mention they are pushy & bossy, always trying to start a head butting fight. We are very good sheep. We demanded equality in the barn and it starts with the feed. Please rectify the issue in the upcoming feedings.
Look for over 3 years we have been listening to country music on the radio. Then for a month we have to listen to the Christmas music, you know we can only baa to so much Rudolph before one of us wants to shoot him. Sorry, no disrespect to Santa but it does become a little much when we hear it 24/7. Of course, you have conveniently located the radio high up on a shelf on the opposite side of the gate so we can't change the station. You know, just cuz we are "country farm animals" doesn't mean we can't turn it up a notch. How about 'lil Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, maybe even little Motown every now and then?
Ok, this is a sensitive issue, but we can't take it any more.
Its really bad. We have noticed that for the past 2 months you have not changed your clothes. You come out every morning and every evening in those ridiculous pink coveralls and honestly we could give a crap that you think the pink is cute and fun, just feed us.
Is your shower broken? Did you forget to pay the water bill? Perhaps, is the washer broken? Look, we understand that times are rough & the economy is slow, we hear it everyday on the radio but can you not afford some laundry detergent? Our wool is starting to smell like you, and quite frankly, its not attractive. People are going to start to think its us that smells, and its not. Its you. Wash the clothes, take a shower, buy another pair of coveralls, but do something. Because if you don't, it could get ugly out in the barn.
Look, we care about you and because we care, we needed to confront you on these issues. Like we said, these changes could make a world of difference. We were talking that if you rectify these issues, we might even nominate you for Hobby Farmer of the Year! Now don't get too excited because thats a big "If". Lets just start with you buying some detergent and more alfalfa for us and we'll go from there.