Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dear Sheep, Goats, and Cats

Dear Sheep, Goats, and Cats:

As you all know my last day of school was June 11th. Now things have been pretty much running close to normal for the last week as I was busy with 2 seminars, doctor appointments, and various other things. However, as of yesterday, things need to change up a bit. If you did not know or notice, yesterday was officially the first day of summer. It was also the "official" start to my personal summer break. I would like to remind all of you of a few "guidelines" for summer time hours, particularly in regards to feeding times.

First, I know that for nine months out of the year you get fed at 6:00 am ( 7:00 am on the weekends) and then at 4:30 in the evening. But, since this is summer and school is closed, there are adjustments in the feeding schedule. Morning hours will be between 7:00-8:00 am. I understand that this hour variance may not quite suit your needs but it works well for me and since I am the hand that feeds you.......well, of course you understand. Now please note, that there is NO Clinical study that says during this one hour window, that you will starve and perish from the Earth. You will make it!! You will be fine!!

These pathetic, crazed looks are not necessary. Jamming your face and bodies into the fence is not going to make my feeding process any quicker. Now the evening feeding will commence around 5:00-6:00 pm. Obviously, later because morning hours are a little later. I know you will understand.

My cats. My lovely, lazy, pathetic slacking cats. I am glad that you are enjoying the patriotic colored towels that I bought for you. It was to cover the cushions on the Martha Stewart furniture so when guests come over they are not covered in your cat hair. Of course, if you did not sleep all day on the screened porch, perhaps I would not have had to buy those towels. Have you had the chance to take your 9 Lives back to the garden to notice all the weeds that need to be pulled? Oh, thats right, I forgot, you only leave the porch to use the bathroom in the new mulch. Silly me.

Oh, yes, did you think I forgot about the goats? How could I forget you Patty? This sweet, innocent look does nothing to conceal your loud, screaming mouth in the morning. I believe you are the first one to hear me open the sliding glass door and alert me to my pending duties in the barn. I will be right on it after I eat my cereal. I hope all of you enjoy your summer as I know I will. Oh, I almost forgot to mention. When I head off to Mount Vernon next week, FWB will be taking over for a few days and you know he is only feeding hay as he does not play the grain game. He does not play the fun and cute games either. My Dad, the other feeder, will also be helping. Don't play mind games and the gate game with him !!! You know what happened last time and the neighbor had to bring half of you home. I was NOT a happy camper if you all recall. Perhaps if you all behave, I will buy you one of those wall mounting fans from TSC.
With all of my Love,
the hand that feeds you,


Kathy in KY said...

Kristi - how is this being received so far? LOL - I try and be helpful in explaining these types of things to my 5 cats, and they just look at me and continue to follow me into the kitchen whenever I go in there, hoping to be fed, even if they already have food in their bowls. Animals, go figure! Good Luck with this! LOL, Take care, from KY.

Anonymous said...

Very funny- let us other hands know if it works!

ae1501 said...

Does this work with the farm crew? If so, do you think it will work at school also? Love the writing, the red background is killing my eyes though.

kristi said...

Its technically day 2 so I am going to give them a few more days to adjust;)

I am sure I will have updates throughout the summer!

Oh, you caught the red dots? I was trying to decide which background I liked. Perhaps is the plaid better for you? LOL School is a totally different game plan....I noticed "HE" got 3 more yrs....gee lucky us.

Tammy said...

Too funny Kristi. I hope this memo to the barnyard helps. I have my doubts. They might, MIGHT, get used to (and accepting of) the new schedule by the time you head back to school. As for the cats, that was SO nice that you got them their own special towels. ;-) I tell my cats "I am not a treat machine", but it falls on deaf ears. I got up last night at 2:30 a.m. to put the dogs out and turn the a/c off. The bloody sheep started baaing their heads off. Seriously guys. Like I'm feeding you in the middle of the night??

Teri said...

HAHAHA! Oh my - that is so funny! Thanks for the laugh. Glad to know I'm not the only one who has to practically sneak out the back door so as not to get "yelled" at for food by barn residents. I have a duck that starts quacking her head off when my car pulls in the driveway, and if she hears the back door open, the peace and quiet is gone until I feed her. :)

Kim said...

Tee hee hee! Love it!

Like Tammy, mine will sound the alarm if I walk out in the middle of the night. Maybe that's genetic since my sheep were bred on her farm! :)

Christine said...

ROTFL, that is SO not going to work, but good luck trying. I am particularly impressed by your attempt to bribe them with a fan. I may have to try that one myself.