Monday, November 17, 2008
Is it Only Me that Worries?
The last 2 weeks has been filled with much anxiety and being as sick as I was did not help. Though I may joke about being single, it does have its draw back occasionally. It is frustrating being sick and not being able to physically do all that needs to be done in the barns or around the house. I am worried about the barn space as I have 10 more lambs than I did last year. I worry that the smallest ones will be warm enough for the winter. I worry that the sheep sit outside under the overhang of the barn instead of going inside out of the weather. I worry that I have not been able to fill the barn with hay because money has been so tight. I am behind the 8 ball because I was to get a supplemental check for work I do in the district in which I teach & did anyone who was suppose to get that money this weekend get it? No. And next weekend is Thanksgiving. Was that money suppose to get me 50 bales of hay? Yes. Am I stressed about it? Yes. Now of course it helped that today I got gas for $1.78, I filled my Town & Country mini-van for $30.30. Two months ago at almost $4.00 or more it cost close to $60. I always pay cash for gas, I refuse to charge something so disposal as gas, it makes no sense to me. I had to order propane today....another expense. I would like to get more wood, but money. Having to put all that extra money into gas for so long put me behind getting hay, propane, and paying for other things I needed for winter so now I am feeling the long term effects and its catching up fast.
Today I had to trim/cut some very large branches on the 2 pine trees at the end of my driveway so the propane truck can get down the driveway when it comes. Okay, excuse my language, but that was a real bitch as I am not that tall and there was some serious large branches that had to come down and I only have an electric chain saw & could not string 900 ft of extension cord down the driveway so I used a saw. Branches are down but sitting piled up on the side of the driveway. And then snow came this weekend, not the 12 inches like the Snowbelt got but it was snow and I am just not ready. I live in a secondary snow belt and if any of you who are reading this live in a snow belt plus have the "pleasure" of fully understanding "Lake Effect Snow" then you understand the power of the Great Lakes in the winter & the havoc they can create in your life and often, without a lot of notice.
I guess that's how I feel......havoc, stress, worrying that the animals will be okay this winter, that I will have enough money for Christmas, that my house will be okay, that things will turn around. Sometimes its just hard doing it all by yourself, sometimes I just worry. Sometimes it just seems like everyone else is doing so much better than me and I wonder what I am doing wrong. Oh, I don't know, maybe its just me being "emotional". I know I am blessed with what I have but I have worked so hard for what I have & sometimes it just seems like it is just not enough. I have been trying to be upbeat in my blog posts but today I just was struggling with it. So today, for those of you who read about me and my little farm, this is the other side. Perhaps its the "reality" side beyond the pictures. As the saying goes, "It is what it is"........tomorrow is another day, hopefully it will be better in the long run.
Thank you for listening & for those of you who are so kind to always leave a little message......it does mean a lot:)