Monday, November 17, 2008

Is it Only Me that Worries?

The last 2 weeks has been filled with much anxiety and being as sick as I was did not help. Though I may joke about being single, it does have its draw back occasionally. It is frustrating being sick and not being able to physically do all that needs to be done in the barns or around the house. I am worried about the barn space as I have 10 more lambs than I did last year. I worry that the smallest ones will be warm enough for the winter. I worry that the sheep sit outside under the overhang of the barn instead of going inside out of the weather. I worry that I have not been able to fill the barn with hay because money has been so tight. I am behind the 8 ball because I was to get a supplemental check for work I do in the district in which I teach & did anyone who was suppose to get that money this weekend get it? No. And next weekend is Thanksgiving. Was that money suppose to get me 50 bales of hay? Yes. Am I stressed about it? Yes. Now of course it helped that today I got gas for $1.78, I filled my Town & Country mini-van for $30.30. Two months ago at almost $4.00 or more it cost close to $60. I always pay cash for gas, I refuse to charge something so disposal as gas, it makes no sense to me. I had to order propane today....another expense. I would like to get more wood, but money. Having to put all that extra money into gas for so long put me behind getting hay, propane, and paying for other things I needed for winter so now I am feeling the long term effects and its catching up fast.
Today I had to trim/cut some very large branches on the 2 pine trees at the end of my driveway so the propane truck can get down the driveway when it comes. Okay, excuse my language, but that was a real bitch as I am not that tall and there was some serious large branches that had to come down and I only have an electric chain saw & could not string 900 ft of extension cord down the driveway so I used a saw. Branches are down but sitting piled up on the side of the driveway. And then snow came this weekend, not the 12 inches like the Snowbelt got but it was snow and I am just not ready. I live in a secondary snow belt and if any of you who are reading this live in a snow belt plus have the "pleasure" of fully understanding "Lake Effect Snow" then you understand the power of the Great Lakes in the winter & the havoc they can create in your life and often, without a lot of notice.
I guess that's how I feel......havoc, stress, worrying that the animals will be okay this winter, that I will have enough money for Christmas, that my house will be okay, that things will turn around. Sometimes its just hard doing it all by yourself, sometimes I just worry. Sometimes it just seems like everyone else is doing so much better than me and I wonder what I am doing wrong. Oh, I don't know, maybe its just me being "emotional". I know I am blessed with what I have but I have worked so hard for what I have & sometimes it just seems like it is just not enough. I have been trying to be upbeat in my blog posts but today I just was struggling with it. So today, for those of you who read about me and my little farm, this is the other side. Perhaps its the "reality" side beyond the pictures. As the saying goes, "It is what it is"........tomorrow is another day, hopefully it will be better in the long run.


Lake Effect Snow last year....hopefully not this year!
Thank you for listening & for those of you who are so kind to always leave a little message......it does mean a lot:)

12 comments:

Pat in east TN said...

Kristi, I must say I have always admired you and all you do from the first time I read your blog way back when. I think what you are feeling now is being felt by a lot of folks, me included. Being used to doing most anything we wanted and now feeling this pinch is not a comfortable feeling. Hang in there ... it will be ok. Vent if you have to ... we all understand. {{{hugs}}}

Susan said...

Kristi,
If things get to tight with hay let me know. I can't spare a lot but can loan you some till your able to get replenish. I have 100 here now with another 100 owed me from a mural I painted for a farmer.
If you need wood, don't forget we live in the woods, I bet we can sneak some hubby has already split for you ;)
Ivy wants Dixies friends to have full bellies :)

Christy said...

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. We are here for you, don't feel you always have to be positive. Life isn't always positive. If there is anyway we can help, let us know.

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

Nice to see you are human, too. :-)

Tracey said...

Kristi,
I am sorry you are worried, but you are not alone! I know what you mean about being single and having to do it all, I guess I am just on a smaller scale of that cause I don't have a farm to take care of.
Now, you have me worried that the lambs will be warm enough. I am getting a mental image of them in the bed with you...LOL!
Hopefully the supplement check will come tomorrow!!!!
I don't think you are doing anything wrong like you mentioned, I am in awe of all that you do!
Hopefully it helps to have prayers and good thoughts sent your way!!
Would you e-mail me your address? I have a little something to send you for your birthday.
My e-mail is:
usgirl7266@aol.com
(just write in the header its you, cause I usually dont open e-mail if I don't know who sent it)
Chin up girl, things will get better!!!
:) Tracey
P.S. What an angel Susan is above me to offer you hay and wood, friends like that are a treasure !!!!

melanie said...

Hey-

I need your address. Send me an e-mail at my yahoo! address - my tag is rugbplayr

I agree with Tracey - you sound like you are working up a good excuse to invite the sheepies in the house...

Tammy said...

Hey Kristi,
Hang in there. This is such a tough time of the year (for me anyway), with the days so short, and no time to do anything outside except the weekends. It takes some adjusting to, and I don't always do it gracefully. Now with the economy the way it is, it just adds to the stress and gloominess. I've decided I'm going to have to limit my 'news time' because it all seems bad and I don't understand half of this nonsense. I'm trying to prioritize what the expenses I have to have, but there are so many! ha... The sheepies are tough and I think they will be okay, even if they choose to lay out IN the snow. ;-) I can sure understand what you are going through with the hay, wood etc. I just got three cords, and I can tell you it was a huge relief. I still need some hay, but have enough to get through the winter if I had to, with the big rounds. It's just sometimes hard to shoulder it all on your own, but it helps sometimes to just break it down and accomplish at least one thing (like getting the wood or hay etc.). And just know you have friends out here in blog land rooting for you.
Take care,
Tammy

Kara said...

Hey Kristi,
I joke about us Shetland people having a lot in common, or maybe it is the homesteading types that is the common thread, or with you and I being teachers, but I am very much a worrier. I decided the other day that it is easier for me to obsess about the animals because it takes my focus off the bigger more daunting things I could and would focus on. It is an escape for me. I too have points in my life that I just can't watch the news. Hang in there and I am so glad you felt you could turn to all of us for support. Lake effect snow dumping on us NOW. My ram is coming to Ohio so if you feel really worried about your numbers email me before Dec. 6th. I was hoping to hold off until next year so I could talk you in to coming for a visit too. And with the population explosion that I am going to have here...and your lambs are much younger than my crew too I am not sure I have the right spot for one right now either. Next summer I would be better prepared.

thecrazysheeplady said...

You are going to be just fine. I can tell. {{{hug}}}

Deb said...

Kristi,
No - it isn't only you that worries, but like you, many of us have a habit of keeping it to ourselves and only presenting that strong, capable, positive side to the world.

You are an inspiration - your life and what you have accomplished is amazing. Take heart - I have no doubt it will all work out. I think it's called pre-winter worries and I know I'm having them as well as a lot of people! Worry is part of the process of being prepared.

Keep your chin up - sending good karma and a cyber hug your way!

kristi said...

Pat,
your support & comments on my blog are always welcomed and a comfort...thank you for your kindness:) On a lighter note, Holmes County was operating on a 2 hour delay due to snow...darn Amish:)

Susan,
this is why Dixie & I love you...see I knew getting Dixie as pick was like getting an extended family:)

Christy,
thank you for your kindness. I know you are so busy! I stopped by your blog the other day & I could not leave a comment! I love the house and those cow neighbors:)

Michelle,
being an honest, hard working human is sometimes the hardest thing to do:)

Tracey,
email is on the way:) I promise not to bring anyone in the house but promises can be broken:) Thank you for just being "ME":)

kristi said...

Melanie,
I only sleep with dogs and my favorite lambie stuffed animal:)

Tammy,
thank you for always being there when it is needed most. I wasn't sure if being honest on the blog would be okay to post and I wasn't sure if people would be afraid to comment but that mean the most to me came around, it warmed my heart so much and really cheered me up. You sound so much like me, I love reading your blog because you write with so much thought. Usually I am more upbeat around this time of year but I just can't seem to pull it up. Yesterday just broke me for some reason. My students would say, "must be that time of the month":) What do they know about bills, hay, fire wood, & eating Kraft Mac-n-Cheese 2 twice a week:) Thanks for being there Tammy:)

Kara,
oh being a teacher is just so trying at times...and with the holidays coming, those weeks between Thanksgiving & Xmas is like the longest weeks of the year. You have become a wonderful addition to my "social" life....thank you for being you. Where in Ohio is the ram going? That little gulmoget boy lost his scur last week....still a cutie & getting chunkie...most be that time of year to put on some winter weight:)

Deb,
I usually am so upbeat but yesterday I just crashed..just so much on my mind. As a teacher I try to inspire everyday but some days its harder than others. Your compliment is very gracious....I put so much into life because I want so much. My house and my animals are my world, I would be lost without them. Thank you for your friendship and words of encouragement:)

Ms.Sheeplady:)
thank you for the hugs & words..don't you agree that Cotswolds make the best sheep to hug:)